For those of you who were not able to see the show yesterday (or the 3 of you who actually were in the studio audience – and accordingly have made it onto my “I Will Rescue You From A Mexican Jail” list!), here is the link to our interview yesterday. PLEASE leave me a comment and let me know what you think!!!

Here is the information that interested ABC-TV and the tips that we sent to them – I hope that you enjoy these as well!

Tips To Use To Increase Your Wellbeing In A Down Economy That Don’t Cost You Money AND Help You Lose Weight:
A No-Nonsense Approach to Relationship and Health Issues

 Introduction: Work/life balance is more crucial now than ever, given how the unexpected changes on Wall Street have affected the small business on Main Street, and trickled down into our homes and in particular our bedrooms. Our mission is to help women see dramatic changes in their lives, including better health (weight loss), increased happiness (more vibrant sex life & increased energy and drive) and improved financial security (additional money flowing into their businesses, if they are entrepreneurs). Statistics show a direct correlation between the stresses of work and the detrimental effect it has on a couple’s relationship and intimacy level; we’re teaming up to provide a no-nonsense approach to solving America’s relationship and health issues. Sandy and Sheila have a seminar coming up and the VFTB audience can go to www.empower180.com to receive information. Registered VFTB viewers will receive a 2 for one bonus on Sandy and Sheila’s books at the seminar.

1)     Women and Men are Different! (Your Life Will Be Easier The Sooner You Embrace This). 

1. Talk Your Belly Off… Women need to talk, talk, talk to get their oxytocin up, which raises levels of serotonin and decreases levels of cortisol, which is the “belly fat storing” chemical. So, decrease your stress and improve your relationship by simply putting 6 grrlfriends on your speed dial. Talking has been medically proven to be chemically necessary to women.  It will decrease your stress, and increase your receptivity to your husband and availability to your kids.
2. …Just Not To Your Husband! Men need to have a short To Do list and a goal to achieve. Men have on average 3x the serotonin of women – so if you are trying to “get your serotonin up” by talking things out with your husband instead of a woman, (a) he is going to start falling asleep like you just fed him a bunch of turkey, and (b) you’re going to frustrate the heck out of him as he’s trying to figure out the 3 things you want him to “do” while you’re on number 99 and talking a mile a minute!
3. Breathe Your Way To Wellbeing. There is also a VERY quick breathing exercise that increases a stress-reducing chemical in your body (nitric oxide) – this is one of Dr Oz’s favorites in fact – it’s important to know this breathing exercise (in through the nose on a 6 count, hold, then out on a 6 count) and “how to breathe” (into the belly versus raising the shoulders).
4. Your Husband Will Love To Hear This: More Sex Is Good.  Though we try to avoid thinking about this, we are all mammals, and touching, sensuality, and sex increases things you want to increase (feelings of wellbeing, bone density) and decreases things we want to decrease (depression, blood pressure, etc.) (here is the link to this page in Fempowerment book. If this link does not work, go to Amazon.com, search on book “Fempowerment” then use “Look Inside” feature and search on “osteoporosis” – it will take you to the correct page in the book with the facts list and references.)

2)     Create An EnvironMENTALLY Friendly Zone In Your Physical Space. Organization is key to decreasing stress and having time and space for your relationships – so take the time to clean your physical space. We all have areas of our life that are cluttered. Just as we discuss how to remove your mental clutter (next 2 tips), you need to de-clutter your physical environment.  When you get organized and de-clutter, you feel lighter and rightly so…You have lost weight in your home! This will allow you to lighten your mind and become more creative with your thoughts – and more receptive to your mate.

 3)     End The Endless To Do List. Women are extremely talented at multi-tasking.  Yet, there are only 24-hours in each day.  So, the best phrase you can learn to adopt is…”Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.” Before you commit to the next task or project, pause and ask yourself if this is something that you can and want to do. If you instead go on a Guilt Trip, you will continue to find yourself on a never ending path of To-Dos. Another great tip is, instead of saying “Yes” – if “No” is too harsh –  get a concession. For example, “I can drop off the kids if you can pick them up tomorrow afternoon.” Exchanging will help you lead a more balanced – and happier – life. 

 4)     Dump your Head-Trash™ Sheila Stewart coined this phrase. It summarizes the little voices that pipe up in our heads at the most inopportune times.  These voices are the ones that sabotage you right when you are ready to step out and take a chance, or make a bold move.  These voices say things like, “Who do you think you are?  You’re too young.  You’re too old.  You don’t have enough money. Your friend failed, how can you succeed.”  And on, and on, and on.  We have over 30,000 negative thoughts every day.  This equates to 85% of our thoughts.  That means only 15% of our thoughts are positive.  The key is to dump the voices every day and reverse the statistic.  When the voices enter your mind, dump them out. 

 5)     Detox Your Relationships and Eliminate “Frenemies.”  Just as you detox your body to remove the excess and sludge that is causing fatigue and low energy, you must detox your relationships. Once we realize that our “Head Trash” often turns into gossip, fear, and stress in our lives, we can recognize and address the fact that our worst enemy is often “inside” of us – drawing toxic people to us. By doing a Frenemy (friends who are really enemies) Audit, we can create an environment that is filled with only clean and positive relationships. This includes friends, family, business colleagues – even clients!  When you evaluate each relationship, determine if it is helping you or hindering you.  If it is hindering you, time to detox! Wean off the toxic people slowly – but surely. The key is to become aware. We are becoming more aware of what we put in our bodies, yet we so often overlook what – and whom! – we surround our bodies with! Our challenge is to ramp it up in 2010 and create a healthy and wealthy mindset and lifestyle.

 6)     Become a Balancepreneur^TM.  There are five areas in any woman’s life, and Sheila coined this word to help women find their life balance. If she is “low” in one area, she can “borrow” from another area. For example, if she is low in money but high in her social relationships, she might find a way to turn a beloved recipe into an entrepreneurial venture! What does “balance” mean – to you?

I’m on Live today (or as Live as I can be, considering I couldn’t sleep last night for some reason!) on The View From The Bay!

If you are going to be in the audience – thanks in advance! If you can’t make it, here is the link to the live feed!

I’m on with another gal, and we only have 4 minutes. I hope that it goes well! Now to go shower, get my duds on (and makeup – huh what’s that?) then off and running!

Here’s our writeup and topic – our “Tips” will be posted on the View From The Bay website, and I will link them here later on today or tomorrow. They run to 3 pages – for a 4 minute interview! Oh dear!

Increase Your Wellbeing In A Down Economy with Tips  That Don’t Cost You Money AND Help You Lose Weight:
A No-Nonsense Approach to Relationship and Health Issues

Introduction: Work/life balance is more crucial now than ever, given how the unexpected changes on Wall Street have affected the small business on Main Street, and trickled down into our homes and in particular our bedrooms. Our mission is to help women see dramatic changes in their lives, including better health (weight loss), increased happiness (more vibrant sex life & increased energy and drive) and improved financial security (additional money flowing into their businesses, if they are entrepreneurs). Statistics show a direct correlation between the stresses of work and the detrimental effect it has on a couple’s relationship and intimacy level; we’re teaming up to provide a no-nonsense approach to solving America’s relationship and health issues. Sandy and Sheila have a seminar coming up and the VFTB audience can go to www.empower180.com to receive information. Registered VFTB viewers will receive a 2 for one bonus on Sandy and Sheila’s books at the seminar. 

Tips To Use To

HEY! Sheila Stewart and I were interviewed on the talk radio show Your Time With Kim on How the Economy Affects Your Sex Life. Sheila and I met a while back when we were each speaking at a gig, and then I interviewed Sheila a few podcasts back. We had so much fun, we put the show on the road!

(This is a little break back into my “real life” and away from the Trials and Tribulations of turning CouchPotatoWoman into IronWoman!)

 

 Sex and the Economy: Talk Radio Interview on "Your Time With Kim" Show: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Today is a “Down Day” on the triathlon schedule. And it’s a down day for me, too.

Last night H “sat me down” (after I was complaining how exhausted I was – went to bed in the very early evening in fact), and said that he had been “thinking about it” and this “Ironman thing” was a VERY bad idea, and that if he had known more about it or thought more, he would never have said it would be Okay. As he said last night, he believes that I should have started, for example, with a Century bike ride as my “goal” (part of the Ironman, and something I can’t do yet, either), because he would have done it TOO, it would have been something we could have trained for together (like our hike down the Alps, the Big Sur marathon, etc.), and then I could “still” do the Ironman next year . . . and make my self-imposed “before I’m 50″ deadline.

The thing is – I’m already IN. I’m sure there are “ways out” – but I don’t really WANT to be out. But he’s really very upset about things, like the fact that every day of the weekend (both days) there are “trainings” that I need to go to. Not like, generally, we would be doing anything significant from 9-12 on a Saturday or Sunday. But the deal is, that I will be GONE, and that I will likely come home and be tired. This weekend is the first trial of this – I have a 20 mile (oy!) bike ride Saturday morning, then a swim/run brick (in San Remote – oh I mean Ramone – no less) on Sunday. I am going to see if he will at least meet me/us on Saturday after the ride if we get something to eat, but my guess is, he won’t. And so probably staying after to have lunch or whatever they will do is a nonstarter for me. Because adding a whole social layer of friends that don’t have anything to do with him will be just Bad.

I actually get where he is coming from. If he suddenly “announced” he was going to get competition-level in Ballroom and so it would mean he would be doing a training similar to what I’m doing, I am not sure I would be happy about it. In fact, I’d probably be pissed off. And the fact that the time would just increase as training got tougher would piss me off even more. So I “get it.”

Who knows, maybe this was a big fat mistake. I haven’t said the fateful words, “Do you really want me to quit, I will find out how” yet, because I do not WANT to quit. It would be ONLY because he wants me to. But if the shoe were on the other foot, well…I would probably be feeling the same way he is. He’d be out, meeting other folks, socializing, etc. and it wouldn’t have anything to do with me or forwarding our relationship. It wouldn’t be something that “we” had chosen with our precious off time. Dunno. Maybe I was really way, way too fast at jumping into this.

Hence my getting up at 3 a.m. this morning and being unable to get back to sleep…

OK, THAT, and the fact that the more this goes on, the more it looks like a Richy Rich sport. I am SERIOUS. First, it’s just “anticipated” that everyone’s going to get a bike trainer. A used one is $100. (A bike trainer is a little contraption you put your bike on that spins the wheel and allows you to ride inside, if you didn’t know that.) THEN we’re told that we have to get bike pants – no, TWO pair of bike pants – where “the good ones, which are all you are going to want” start at $60. SIXTY BUCKS! For now, no trainer for me, and I’m going to have to make do with my 15 year old bike shorts, which have a small pad of chamois (leather) on the inside. OK, and underwear, and a pad (to be graphic). The idea of being “told” to shell out $ for this, that and the other is freaking me out. It’s assumed. YES, I will admit, that the short ride I took a few days ago I am STILL sore from. But the biking portion (which is always the one I like the least) is getting more, and more, and MORE expensive as it goes on. I guess it’s the one section with “Gear.” But holy cow. I had to break the bank to get my bike tuned up ($85, something like that) . MAYBE in a while I will get clipless pedals (seems unlikely), but that means you have to buy pedals AND shoes. Oh, and pants. And a trainer. And…

I did, however, get to realize why bikers wear those dorky bike shirts with the pockets in the back. I wore a jacket and put my stuff in the pockets, but when you’re riding, the weight of the stuff in your pockets pulls the pockets down and around, so that they’re right in front of your crotch. Not so comfy. However, not quite sure how the “back pockets” really work, as they are open. Seems like not the smartest place for a wallet and a blackberry, which is what I had. I guess I will learn….(I was given a bike shirt on the first day, because the bike guy asked if anyone did NOT have a bike jersey and I was one of about 1/2 dozen that raised my hand. Then I couldn’t wear it when I went out, because I felt like such a dork in it. I guess I will get over it – not sure I will wear it on this group ride on Saturday, I guess I should…)

Yeah, I’m down on the Down day. I’m really feeling like this was a huge fat mistake. The biking $$ piling up gets me so down that it makes my eyes tear up and my nose itch. The fact that H is not behind me on this – not that he should be, I think this was a pretty doggone selfish choice on my part, and probably not thought through, especially when I haven’t had any income for nearly 1/2 a year – is sort of the crushing blow.

Time to get outside and go grocery shopping – where are those coupons…mac and cheese, anyone…?

Here she is – Ms. Sheila Stewart!

You’ve all heard me talking on a couple of podcasts about our upcoming event in October with Empower180.com in their “What Women Want” Series. Sheila and my working subtitle for our part in the series is, Recession proof your relationship: How the economy is affecting you in the bedroom.

As a few of you have asked what the seminar will be about, let me give you a bit more information. Sheila and I will be addressing American’s health, relationship and financial woes with practical, realistic advice.

In today’s volatile economy, it’s not just businesses’ bank accounts that are suffering; entrepreneurs’ intimate lives are detrimentally influenced by the stresses of keeping a small business afloat. It’s all about the she-conomy and how women must balance being everything for everyone with trying to find time and space for their passions.

As you know, I’m passionate about helping women weave sensual femininity into their daily lives. My part of the evening will include a lot of rousing “body chemistry enhancing” moments – don’t be scared! If you come you will have a BLAST.

Balancepreneur Sheila Stewart, a serial entrepreneur & author of Backwards in High Heels: A Woman’s Guide to Succeeding in Business, is an expert in teaching harmony between the five life accounts (Money, Relationships, Spirituality, Health and Network). She says that a work/life balance is more crucial now than ever, given how the unexpected changes on Wall Street have affected the small business on Main Street.

Our clients have seen dramatic changes in their lives, including better health (weight loss), increased happiness (more vibrant sex life & increased energy and drive) and improved financial security (additional money flowing into their businesses).  Statistics show a direct correlation between the stresses of work and the detrimental effect it has on a couple’s relationship and intimacy level.

We hope on October 7th to give you a little taste of Sheila’s Balancepreneur program and my fEmpowerment Finishing School & Training Academy, to provide you with a no-nonsense approach to solving your – and America’s! – relationship and health issues.

Click below to get to the interview – you’ll love it!

 

 BONUS INTERVIEW PODCAST: Coffee Chat with Balancepreneur Sheila Stewart, Author of Backwards in High Heels: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

So. I’ve received the following link:

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/32218342?gt1=43001/from/ET

about 50 times now. Yes, this is exactly what I said I was going to do after writing Fempowerment: A Guide To Unleashing Your Inner Bond Girl. In fact, if you look at their shirts, their “gal” looks suspiciously like mine.

Bitter, party of one….

I hate that I was not “event-planning-organized” enough to move forward on this. I’m also upset and maybe frightened that some one that I sent a treatment to (including a reality TV show guy) might just have plain ripped me off. I have heard from some of the vendors I visited in Las Vegas, and they tried to soothe me with the idea that what we were considering was “better” and that I have the soup to nuts book, etc. – but who’s on the Today Show?

I wish I had it in me to be an event planner. Seriously. I have that entire treatment for the reality show, and all of our hard work in Vegas with what “would happen” on this. These gals aren’t “really” shooting guns, doing hand-to-hand, etc. – like we were setting up. But no matter. They’re doing it.

I have to go crawl into bed now.

…I am a huge HUGE hunk of blue cheese, baguette, bell pepper, tomatoes, meatballs, and a couple glasses of wine.

Sounds pretty good, eh? The problem is – this is what I ate when I returned home from a FABOO workshop (more on that in a second) – at 11:00 last night! And then SLEPT on it!

AND I had dinner, too, at a more “regular time.” So why did I eat this? Because my darlin’ husband was sitting on the couch, watching a new TV show (Warehouse 13, something like that) eating it, and it looked good. Noooo I was not “hungry.”

We’re not talkin’ a taste. We are talkin’ serious blue cheese hunkage.

Now that I signed up to be a BeachBody coach, I am being way more conscientous about getting out and doing SOMETHING to move my body every day (even if it’s walking the dog, instead of just “letting him outside”). I even did an “accountability partnership thang” with Sheila Stewart last night after her chat at Empower180 – we both have, as she lovingly put it, “pork chops” on our sides, and so we’re going to text each other to get movin’.

See, the thing is though, this just doesn’t keep me away from the food. Even when we were on that yoga retreat in Peru…my hubby is like James Bond in From Russia With Love. Remember the suitcase full of caviar, champagne, etc. that he snuck into the “Health Spa”? That’s my “James”! We went “over the wall” – dining on wine, beef, alpaca, cuy, you name it, while everyone else was having vegetarian. Yeah, bad. just SO BAD. Then we would sleep IN and not do the yoga in the morning…!!!

I start out really well in the mornings. I usually have a cup of Creme Caramel tea with a little stevia, and a Shakeology shake. The “Creme Caramel” tea is one of those Lipton teas that if you add a tiny bit of stevia (which doesn’t increase your insulin), tastes GREAT and has no calories. I have a sweet tooth, what can I say (heck, I have a FOOD tooth!), and I love starting my day out with one of these, especially if I can sip it when out walking the dog.

For lunch, I’m usually good too! I might have a snack in between breakfast and lunch of a chicken leg – then lunch a big salad, something like that. THEN….3:00 happens.

I turn into like Solitaire Jekyl. I will eat ANYTHING that’s in my way. And I don’t care. I have the “good Soli” in the back of my head saying “hello, get your HAND OUT OF THE CHOCOLATE CHIPS and WHAT are you doing with a glass of wine?” – but I don’t listen to her. I’m sure there is some chemical reason – brain dip, serotonin dip, avocado dip…whatever. I’m sure I should do something like work out at 3:00. But Evil Soli takes over and it’s OVER! I’m watching Bones reruns on TV and snacking on whatever I can find. Then I make dinner for my James, snacking all the while, and eat that, too!

Mind you, there isn’t that much “bad stuff” left in the house (the Evil Girl Scout Cookies and chocolate chips are gone now) - but my hubby loves to bring home things like baguettes and cheese. Somehow, he has no problem taking a small slice of cheese, and then a slice of bread, and munching on that, and calling it a day. Me? I’m like a freakin’ wolverine, I just wallow in the stuff. Bad ferret. Bad.

My brain says that I am working so hard on all other stuff – NOT spending $, 3 businesses, coaching, relationship, etc. – that it just doesn’t want to “deal with” this issue “too.” I have made a “deal” with my brain (scary how that happens, innit?) – that if I keep working out every day (yes, walking the dog counts as working out, because I wasn’t doing it before), I won’t bother it right now about the food rampages. Working out every day AND getting onto a more even keel foodwise makes my little brain stamp its tiny little feet in tantrum.

But I DO KNOW that the reason I don’t really want to work out – the reason that it’s hard for me to even walk uphill with the dog without huffing and puffing – is BECAUSE I’m doing things like eating hunks of Stilton on baguettes and drinking red wine and then going to bed right afterwards. I’m lucky I don’t wake up with a cheese-shaped hunk sticking out of my thigh. I DO KNOW that’s why I feel like crap. I do. I do.

And I can type this feeling all virtuous because it’s 9:00, I have done my walk, I have 2 hours of pole dancing class in an hour, and I have had tea and my Shakeology and feel TOTALLY FINE. My will power is HIGH.

Just waitin’ on 3:00…!!!

So, I have had a few “pokes” and emails wondering where I have been! First of all, we just returned from a month in Peru – yes, practicing all those Chapter 1 Bond Girl packing skills! The plan is to post the photos on my facebook page which is www.facebook.com/fempowerment – I have sorted them out, now just figuring out how to get them off H’s laptop and onto Facebook. I’ve never been the most technical of grrls!

And why so little blogging? Twitter. I admit it. I have started Tweeting, and it’s so easy, that I have become a slacker here. Mea maxima culpa. I’m fempowerment on Twitter – so if you’re there, say HEY, I’d love to hear from you!

Lots of stuff going on since I last posted (besides the Peru trip). I’ve finally reached the highest total weight I have ever been in my LIFE – by pounds and pounds. How’d it happen? Stress, mainly. I’m a stress eater (and wine drinker). Money stress, trip stress, time stress, managing 3 businesses AND trying to do the work at the same time…you know the drill. I wish I was a stress RUNNER, but even as a kid, I was never much for exercise. We were raised that studying/books/reading/etc. were GOOD, and exercise was just something that you did in between. My folks are both VERY active – so what happens when you have a kid that isn’t attracted to exercise naturally??

I was lucky to have a great metabolism when I was younger (growing to be over 6′ probably helped!) Then when an adult, I found out I was fairly coordinated for a gal who never really had gym as a kid (thanks, private school), so I became part of the UC varsity fencing and karate teams. I luckily kept working out, finding usually karate dojos to join as I moved around the country, and then for a time my friend Leslie and I decided to do triathlons – which we did. I guess that once you get the rock rolling, it keeps rolling.

I was in the greatest shape of my LIFE for our wedding back in 2006. I was HOT HOT HOT! Unfortunately, we went on a 6 week honeymoon that incorporated a lot of driving, riding on barges, and eating, drinking, eating and drinking! Then I moved into a completely sedentary, high-stress job for nearly a year…rescued by my publisher telling me I HAD TO GET THE BOOK FINISHED (and H agreeing to pay me to stay home and do it – how’s THAT for a great husband?)

I just never really got back in the workout “groove.” My life had been completely taken over by working out to get into that tiny tiny wedding dress (I wore my mom’s – I’m 6′2″ she’s 5′7″ – don’t even ask!) I am now 35 lbs heavier than I was back then – and it’s some SERIOUS weight, the nasty kind – the kind that makes you look at clothes in your closet and say “WHAT? Who’s closet IS This?”

I don’t like being fat (no one does, I know). But it’s tough to get the rock “rolling” again. I have recently signed up to be a BeachBody coach (you can check it out at www.BestLifeStyleNow.com if you want) – and hope that this will help me get back in the groove. BeachBody has some great workout stuff – I already had a number of the DVDs – and this gives me a “Community” to report back into.

Interestingly, I came back from Peru and got an intestinal bug…I hope it’s not a “real” bug as in creepy crawly (my dad brought this possibility up – uck). Even with that, I am serious fat-packed at that 30+ extra pounds. I’m trying not to hate myself for being so “weak” – and I want it all to fall off like TOMORROW. Yeah yeah, where’s that magic wand???

Before we left for Peru, one of my best grrls Tweeted me – I was saying something about not fitting into the clothes that I wanted to bring (small wonder, last time we travelled I was at least 12 lbs less booty), and she wrote back basically “Yeah you’re fat but you’re happy, you have a great life and a man who loves you” blah blah. Of course what do I read? the “yeah you’re fat” part. (She didn’t really say that, but I think it was something like “Yeah, well, you have some to lose” or “Yeah, well, sure you’ve put on some pounds” or something.) This is a gal where we used to be mistaken for twins all the time – no issue now. And she just had a baby.

So, I’m here blogging, because I feel bad that I haven’t – and I thought I’d let ya’ll know that when you’re in the depths of whatever-it-is, we all get there. My publisher wants me to do a workbook based on my book – which I want to do, but right now, I can’t concentrate on that. Then again, my thought is to work THROUGH my book just like a newbie reader would – maybe that would help me with the workbook!

I’m off to a Tony Robbins 4-day “thang” end of this month, then the Dallas eWomenNetwork convention for 4, and all that jazz. I am meeting a friend in Dallas who has become my BeachBody coach – and I need to look hot by then! At least – hotter than THIS. So I’m working out…I’m on Day 2, but at least I got up this morning.

Peace, out!

Hi everyone, it’s Bond Girl Feisty again (aka: Julie). This time I’ve got an important question for you: Do you know what will make you happy? I bet you think you do. How many times have you said, “I’ll be happy when I get a new job?” Or, “All I need to be happy is a new car to replace this old clunker.” Or, “It would be so fantastic if I won the lottery.”

Pop quiz: which will make you more unhappy, a baseball through your window or a loose handle on your bathroom door? Did you guess the broken window? Dan Gilbert, who’s been studying happiness for decades, wants us to think again.

According to him, most people have a horrible time predicting what will make them happy and unhappy. You can check out a recent article he wrote in the New York Times to find out more. The bad news is that even knowing about how the brain distorts our thinking, it’s very hard to correct for it. The good news is that at least you can be on guard!

For those who like moving pictures instead of static text, you can also check out DanGilbert’s TED talk, which I quite enjoyed.

Good luck, and happy hunting!

Hi everyone! Bond Girl Feisty here (aka Julie), and I’ve been thinking lately about the law of attraction. We’ve heard a lot of people talking recently about asking the universe for things (in terms of career, relationships, etc.). This morning, I came up with a way of looking at this interaction that I think is pretty fun and I wanted to share.

I see the universe as a sales clerk at one of those high-end department stores you don’t see much anymore, the sort where it’s not YOU who does the browsing but the sales girl. You tell the sales girl what you want, and she goes into the back to find something that she thinks will fit the request. So, for example, if you ask the sales girl for a blue dress, she’ll go into the back, find one that she thinks will look good on you, and bring it out. You look at it, maybe try it on, and then either decide to buy it or tweak your request.

Obviously, the more specific you are, the better the sale girl’s first guess will be. If you don’t want to try on 40 different outfits before finding the one you want, you’d better be prepared to be specific the first time. The outfit you’ll get when you ask for “an elegant blue dress I can wear to a formal function with my boss” is going to be different from “an easy-to-care-for blue dress I can wear when travelling in Muslim countries,” which in turn is going to be different from “a blue dress I can wear to a summer barbeque.”

Unless you ask for a particular type of dress, you might find yourself surprised by what the sales girl brings out. If you were choosing for yourself, maybe you’d never have thought of wearing something sleeveless with a V-neck, but when you put it on, you might find that it flatters your shoulders. The sales girl has been doing this for a long time; she’s got a good eye for these things. There’s a pretty large stock in the back, so the longer you try things on and point out what you like and what you don’t, the closer she can come to finding the perfect blue dress for you.

The universe, obviously, supplies more than blue dresses. It supplies careers, spouses, children, and lifestyles. It provides vacations and houses and cars. It even provides mindsets, emotions, and dreams. But you’ve got to talk to it. How on earth is a sales girl supposed to know what you want if you sit with your arms across your chest and stare at the wall? How can she possibly choose correctly from the “back room” if you say, “Get me a job, any job?”

So think about your request for the sales-clerk universe. What do YOU want?

This blog is one you really shouldn’t miss. It’s so wonderful to read. I’m republishing Marc and Angel’s “What Money Can’t Buy” blog, but please go to their website and read the Comments (and add more of your own!) There are some great additions to be found in the Comments to this post.

It reminds me of Sei Shonagon’s “The Pillow Book.” She was a court lady (and author) from around the year 1,000 (yes, really). Her book included collections of things that she found interesting when she was at court, including “Lists.” These include such lists as: ”Things That Give A Clean Feeling” (an earthen cup. a new metal bowl. a rush mat. the play of the light on water as one pours it into a vessel. a new wooden chest) and “Things That Give an Unclean Feeling” (a rat’s nest. someone who is late in washing his hands in the morning. white snivel, and children who sniffle when they walk. the containers used for oil. little sparrows. a person who does not bathe for a long time even though the weather is hot. all faded clothes, especially those that have glossy colors) and ‘Squalid Things” (the back of a piece of embroidery. the inside of a cat’s ear. a swarm of mice, who still have no fur, when the come wriggling out of their nest. the seams of a fur robe that has not yet been lined).

Enjoy.

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I met a self-made, multi-millionaire for drinks and dinner last night.  Chris is the owner, CEO and principal engineer for a private software company that nets 20 million dollars a year in profit.  He’s an elite businessman with a big heart.  The compassion and chivalry he shows his employees and clients is unmistakable.  He has been an idol of mine for many years.  And as we sipped wine and chatted, he carried himself with the refined composure and confidence you’d expect from a man of his stature.

Then his wife joined us.

This was the first time I met Victoria, and she was a bit different than I had envisioned.  She was beautiful, yes, but she complained about everything.  According to her, the waitress was too slow, the centerpiece on the table was ugly, and her brand new Lexus doesn’t drive as smooth as her girlfriends’ Mercedes.

Chris grew increasingly irritated with each negative comment that rolled off Victoria’s tongue.  His expression turned sour, his posture deteriorated and his cheeks blushed with frustration.  After just fifteen minutes at the dinner table with her, Chris, the man of power and prestige whom I idolize, had completely lost his poise.   

“Where’s the waitress?  This bread is stale.” Victoria huffed under her breath.

“The only stale thing I perceive is your incessant bitching!” Chris yelped.  “Will you please stop whining and just allow us to enjoy a pleasant evening for once?  For heaven’s sake!”

She gave me a wide-eyed glance, as if to say, “Do you see the crap I have to put up with?”  He gave me a similar look a moment later.  The tension between them stirred my nerves.  I wanted to excuse myself, but I didn’t want to be rude.  Needless to say, the remainder of the evening was rather uncomfortable.

My Brain Malfunctions

Chris called me this morning and gave me some ingenious advice on how to solve a contractual business dilemma I told him about last night.  He then proceeded to apologize for his behavior at the dinner table.

“The work involved in running my business comes naturally to me.  I love what I do.  I’m successful because I understand all the inputs and outputs, and I can precisely tune the production gears to acquire a set of desired results,” Chris said.

“Yeah, I’ve seen you in action,” I agreed.

He continued: “But when it comes to long-term, intimate relationships, my brain malfunctions… and I inevitably fail.”

Multidimensional Human Beings

All people, even our idols, are multidimensional human beings.  Powerful business men, polished musicians, bestselling authors, and even our own parents all have dimensions of success and dimensions of failure present in their lives.

Our successful dimensions usually encompass the things we love most.  We are successful in these dimensions because of our love, because we naturally spend the most time perfecting and nurturing what we love.

And this is the part of our lives we want others to see, the successful part that holds our life’s passion.  It’s the notion of putting our best foot forward.  It’s the public persona we envision as our personal legacy:  “The Successful ABC” or “The Award Winning XYZ.”

But behind whichever polished storyline we publically promote, there lies a multidimensional human being with a long list of unprofessed failures.  Sometimes this person is a bad husband, or fails to choose a suitable wife.  Sometimes this person laughs at the expense of others.  And sometimes this person takes their eyes off the road and rear-ends the car in front of them.

So Do We

The incident at dinner last night reminded me of this idle truth.

Our biggest idols and childhood heroes are just human… with all the flawed dimensions humans have.  And we shouldn’t feel let down when we are faced with the reality of these flaws, because they have always been there.  It’s just part of being human.

Sometimes our idols act like obnoxious, emotional, fools.

But sometimes so do we.

And sometimes they argue, cry, and fall flat on their faces.

But sometimes so do we.

You can achieve anything you put your mind to. And you deserve to, too.

There is a corollary to this – you should NOT do things that you do NOT like, and/or are bad at. I recently received an email newsletter from Stephanie Frank at Success IQ University that was on this subject. The email had to do with one of her coaching clients, a “people person,” who was trying to take on blogging, Twitter, SEO’ing her website and the like. The coaching that she received was basically – STOP IT – if that is not what you love and what you are good at. If it’s something you are actually interested in, well, great. But if not – that’s what other professionals are for!

In general, we usually hire “experts” for medical consultations, financial consultations, legal consultations, and the like. But what about taking over those other parts of your life or your business that you really hate? Myself, I have a “house cleaning consultant.” Yes, that’s right – I am not crazy about scrubbing the toilet, I ‘fess up. So I have someone that comes in and does it for me. I get to spend more time doing things that I love. Things that can bring abundance into my life – financially, or just through the Joy of not having to pull on those sexy rubber gloves.

We often get in our own way as well – and then hold onto our stories about how “we are.” What you think is what you are. Change what you think – change what you are. OK, so, think about it . . . and while you’re at it, for a laugh, check this out. It’s a little over 6 minutes but it’s good all the way to the end.

 

 Get Out Of Your Own Way - In 5 Minutes Or Fewer!: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

This book is available as a PDF download RIGHT NOW from Oprah.com – become a member (for free) if you are not already, and GO GET IT! In these financially tough times, being offered free help is awesome!  Here is a clip from the foreword of the book:

“A study of more than five thousand individuals, conducted by Harris Interactive in cooperation with Merrill Lynch, has torn the covers off the four groups of people who make up the new economic strata in America today. They are:

We now know that the people who have achieved both financial comfort and wealth are distinctly different from those who are struggling paycheck to paycheck or sinking further into debt each month.

They are different in their attitudes, behaviors (financial and nonfinancial), personalities, and goals.

The financially comfortable and the wealthy tend to be more passionate about what they do in life, they are more optimistic, and they are more resilient—able to overcome whatever obstacles life throws their way. They are more visionary—able to see things in a slightly different and improved way, if not a new way altogether. They are more connected to others in their professional and personal lives, and they have greater confidence in those relationships, as well as in their lives overall. And they are grateful—incredibly grateful—for the good fortune life has thrown their way.

They are also more likely to come at life with a different mind-set and a different set of skills. They tend to be goal setters who figure out what they want in life and then make a plan to go after it. They are dogged workers (and often need less sleep). The comfortable and wealthy take more risks than the average person, but they listen to their own voices and those of people they trust in order to be as certain as possible that those risks are appropriate for their stage in life or work. And they are always on a quest to learn something new.

you can learn. Although some people are born with, say, more optimism, it—like every other attribute or skill on this list—can be taught.

And that is what The Difference is all about. [The] book is devoted to teaching you how to uncover your nascent talents and develop those abilities. You will discover the latest psychological and academic findings, complete exercises that are easy to incorporate into your everyday life, and read stories of people who’ve done precisely what you want to do. They’ve harnessed the power within and used it to reach the same goals you have: financial comfort and long-lasting wealth.

Go download the book right now!

W-O-W.

Hey ya’ll – listen, you know I’m a HUGE Oprah watcher. I just saw an episode with Ruby – who has a new reality TV show.  Check it out here.

I can’t wait to see this show. There are just a billion shows on TV now-a-days…are you spending your “television time” watching things that don’t “feed” you? Bond Grrl (or “James”!) – listen here. You have SO FEW hours in the day. If you’re going to spend time in front of TV – please PLEASE spend it being inspired.

I love Oprah – what can I tell you. I find folks like Ruby…and you gotta admit that Ruby and Oprah are Bond Grrls, true and through!

If you have seen this show, I want to hear about it!!

Okay, so since I’m now using this as a blog again (smile), I’m writin’ what’s up today.

I was up at 4:00 this morning, because the economic news is not good in this Bond Grrl’s household. My James told me his take-home is being cut by 25% (though he still has a job). We talked about it a lot, and went to bed, and I woke up in a cold sweat at 4:00.  Not very Bond Grrlish of me, is it?

SO, I went downstairs to catch up on my email/bills/etc. from our being away (nothing like returning from an expensive trip and having another on the horizon – already paid for – to make you freak too!). OK and catch up on Criminal Minds, Bones, CSI NY, Oprah…At about 7:00, I got a text from my bff, Domino. She is moving this weekend, had said she didn’t need help, and then realized she DID need help. She asked if I could be there by 9:00, and I said I’d do my best.

Woke my James up with coffee at about 8:30 (VERY early for my handsome husband secret agent!) and told him I really had to (and wanted to) go – Domino has moved me probably 5 times, and somehow I have never reciprocated. He had a bunch of “honey do” stuff for me – mainly going to a local home improvement store that’s going out of business and looking at things we don’t quite need now, but we definitely WILL, since they’re marked down 50%. I wound up with a kitchen sink and a huge outdoor amphora in the back of the SUV – and off I went to Domino’s.

I was about 2 hours later than she wanted me there (I got there at about 10:45) – so I didn’t actually help with packing the moving van as her James and his buds had hoped (or bring them bagels and coffee as they’d hoped!). The boyz were all done, and she was up at the new house when I showed up at the old. Both he and Domino said that there were “just the baby clothes left” in the closet, and could I get them and bring them up?  SURE, I said.

OK, so I swept through that house like the Grinch in Whoville. (I actually texted her at one point “I feel like I need to look for Cindy Lou Who’s lollypop!”) There was a lot of “stuff” that hadn’t been packed – you know, odds and ends – but all over the house. I wound up starting downstairs, and just bringing everything up to their foyer, first – then taking a look at what I actually could pack and bring.

The funniest part was that there weren’t a lot of bags or boxes left – just a few – but as I dove into back closets and the like I wound up finding things like the cover for her massage table (HUGE score for carrying stuff!), old Nordstrom’s bags that suits come in, grocery bags, stuff like that. So I went to tackle their bedroom, last (which was the one place that I was supposed to really clear out - the baby’s closet).

Now, mind you, this baby has more clothes than ~I~ do (she’s like 4 months old). But there was still about 1/4 of Domino’s closet, some still in her James’ closet, a boatload of hangars, and all the baby’s clothes. And the breast pump. And the baby bath. And…oh Lord…all Domino’s bathroom stuff.

INTERVENTION! I started texting her as soon as I opened up those bathroom drawers! She had a bottle of massage oil I had brought her back from Scotland – FIFTEEN YEARS AGO.  (Yes, really.) Oil…goes…bad…hello…I texted her to say “Just Say ‘Throw’!” She had dozens of lipsticks. I’m cleaning out the drawer, there are 3 Chanel of the same color, unopened, behind some QTips…ok yeah I could go on. And so I totally busted her chops. And dozens of jog bras. Sweaters smashed behind sweaters.

Why are they moving? Like all of us, they need to save some dough. They can get a better house by moving farther from the city, and into a more “cookie cutter” neighborhood and rent there for a while, as they save for their own place.

She’s skimmed my book, but I guess it just didn’t “catch.”

Lots of Brands in the clothes and accessories…but Safeway-brand vitamins. 

How many of you are like this? Be serious. Have you really gone through YOUR house? How about taking some of your extra stuff to a Consignment Store? Or eBay? If not there, how’s about doing a Clothing Swap party (I’m having one on Monday!), where you can all get “new clothes” from your friends, and then give the rest to charity! And I can’t stress enough that your “big money” should be spent going into you…not onto you. You never EVER see a Bond Girl in brands…

About 8 years ago, an Auntie of mine (Rosemary Manell) had to be put in an Alzheimer’s Home, and my James and I helped my Mom clean out her house. Holy cow. It was one of “those” situations – books up the stairwells…stuff everywhere – and we are talking GOOD stuff. She was Julie Child’s best friend, and her husband had been Consul General during World War 2, and she had lived an awesome awesome life – so she had GREAT stuff, just a LOT of it. After we worked for weeks on it, all of us wound up cleaning up our stuff, because we realized we just did NOT want to be in that situation later in life! It was just one of those moments. And it was what formed how I explained how to “attack these issues” in the first Chapter of my book!

Well, there I was, facing it again…and I know (because my bff just texted me!) that she thought she was SO GOOD! Woah.

OK, one funny thing – I wound up PACKING my car and I mean PACK-ING it with stuff to bring up to their new house…but the stuff I’d had to get with my James was all still in the back too.  When Domino’s James’s BFF saw it, he said “HEY, look, she’s got everything, and the kitchen sink….SERIOUSLY.” It completely cracked me up.

So, that’s the update. And yeah, I’m goin’ back to the bloggin’ style that got my book written – write stream of consciousness, post.  So there. See ya, maybe not tomorrow, but definitely Monday after my Clothing Swap Party!!

How to Survive – And Thrive! – during the Holiday Season! In this first of the Emergency Holiday Podcasts, we return to Scott Smith, my Motivational Guru from MotivationToMove.com. Scott is one of my Secret Weapons, and I’m sharing him with YOU.

Are you having an issue with Will Power? Are you stressed out? Have you just tiptoed up to the precipice and looked over…into the abyss of Holiday Feasting Madness? Scott’s here to give you a lift – and a plan.

Here are the links that Scott mentions in the interview:

The MotivationToMove.com Holiday Survival Guide

Free Premium MotivationToMove.com Membership

 Enjoy and… Step AWAY from the marshmallow yams!!!

 

 Step AWAY from the Stuffing! How to Not Just Survive - But Thrive! - During The Holiday Season!: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Last week, I had the honor of being interviewed by Dr. Claudia Six from “Six on Sex.”  (I’m still having trouble uploading photographs, but if you click on the link above, you will be able to see Dr. Six). Dr. Six and I both attended the same school for Sexology, it turns out, though she went on to get her doctorate; she has her Ph.D. in Clinical Sexology and is Board Certified by the American Board of Sexology.

Dr. Six has a great podcast, which is about Erotic Integrity. She interviews local personalities about what Erotic Integrity means to them, and how Erotic Integrity shows up in their work and in their lives. As stated by Dr. Six, “Erotic Integrity is about the humanity of sex, not the acrobatics. It’s about being true to one’s erotic self.”

I strongly recommend downloading and listening to her podcasts. Dr. Six is a fantastic person, and a wealth of information! Not only that, Sheila Kelley’s S Factor has offered anyone who listens to the podcast and mentions it to their local S Factor half off on an introductory S Factor session through 2008. I discussed how working out at S Factor really has helped me to release my “Erotic Creature,” and S Factor has generously offered the ability to any of Dr. Six and my listeners!

Here are a couple of other links that we discuss in the podcast:
Dr. Michael Roizen and Dr. Mehmet Oz’s website (put “sex” in the Search Box in the very top, blue bar to get some of the sex facts that we discuss in the podcast)

Sheri’s Ranch website link

Click below to listen to the interview:

 

 Interview on Six on Sex [27:51m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Every Bond Grrrrrl has just gotta love this. Did you just hafta have that unexpected (but oh-so-glorious) sleepover with a hunky James? Never fear! with the Shame On You Kit, you’re set. For $25.50, the kit includes a toothbrush and toothpaste, a thong, three condoms, a packet of pain reliever, an “emergency” phone card and one “leave behind” note.

Hey, who said “Be Prepared” was only the motto for the Boy Scouts, hmmmmmmmmm grrls???