WOW! I just had the MOST amazing thing happen to me. Seriously – I still can’t believe it.

I’ve gone to a new networking group once (this was my 2nd time) that “styled itself as” a BNI group (without being part of BNI) - but only for individuals with High Net Worth Clients. Fine, that fits me – and I was recommended by a woman I very much respect. Last time I was at the group, I met some really great people, and thought that I could be helpful to them – whether on the SendOutCards side (offering a marketing/relationship management tool) or on the law side (helping with intellectual properties issues, including trademark – or copyright infringement), or the like.

My car died – and so I had to go to some trouble to get to the group this month. My “James” dropped me off, then I was to walk home (replace nice Manolo’s with bright blue and white tennies, hoof it back).  Actually it was nice walking home – except, I was steamed and missed most of the nice, Spring day.

What happened? I got to the restaurant, and saw some of the folks I had spoken with before – definitely a nice group/good size. Then the guy who had formed the group with the gal who had invited me came in the room, and “beckoned” for me to “join him outside.”

This guy has a Financial Management company (gee, fancy static web page last updated in 2008…) Last time, he had come up to me when I was talking with 2 other women, and had asked something about basically how “everyone was doing with their portfolio” or some such (I didn’t know he was a financial guy), and I told him and the two women that my husband and I were truly blessed, as we have a person managing our money, and he saved us from losing anything during the stock market downturn. Then I made it very clear to the women (by this time he’d made it clear that’s what “he did”), that in my opinion it’s incredibly important for everyone to have “experts” on their side. I didn’t even mention my guy’s name – and made it clear that my opinion is that people shouldn’t manage their own money, they should leave it to professionals and (to him) hope your clients love you as well as we love our guy, we couldn’t do it without him.

SO. This guy took me “outside” (into the waiters’ prep area no less) and said that this was “his group,” and as this was a “network referral group” and as I “already had a financial manager,” that he wasn’t inclined to let me join (even though there was no one in my “profession” in the group – they only have one of each profession, like BNI). That the “idea of the group” was to “only refer within” and “as it was his group” I obviously wouldn’t be referring things to him (so, I guess, I had to go). I just shook my head and laughed. I said that I wouldn’t recommend ANYONE that I didn’t think was THE best, and that I wouldn’t recommend anyone in a group unless that person was indeed the best one I knew – whether or not I was in a “networking group” with them or not. However, if he had the same sort of track record that my guy did, I’m sure that there were certain of my friends and clients that might work better with him than, perhaps, with my guy. But he’d need to prove that to me for me to refer him. He reiterated that this was “his group” and so, basically,….what? Leave now? Don’t come back? He left that up in the air.

I REALLY like the gal he founded the group with – she seems like a straight shooter, and so I’m shocked to get the “step into the waiter’s area” stiff-arm from this guy. What-ev-er. I guess that I won’t go back…makes me sad, because there are a LOT of folks in that group that I believe I could help and refer people to. I didn’t leave though – I went back in and had lunch, and waited for the “networking rounds.”

The funniest part is that when it came time for us to do our “one minute advertisement” on ourselves, I didn’t really talk about myself. I talked about the fact that ABC-TV had this new high def show coming out nationwide, what the show premise was,  and that if anyone was interested, I could perhaps introduce them to the producer, etc. etc. I didn’t really say what I did – because the point is, that I’d rather anyone who wants a “go” at the new show get me their info immediately, so I can evaluate it and get it to the producer, to help them, and to help the new show out. Would that be…perhaps…giving for the sake of giving…?

I guess I won’t go back. I will definitely write to the gal who invited me, and tell her why. I will also write the folks that I would like to continue networking with from the group why I won’t be back. I think it’s fair to let them know, versus them thinking that I’m just bailing. I’m sure that ~he~ wouldn’t tell anyone “what happened.”

What are your views on this? I’d be very curious to know. It only meets once a month – so I have time to hear any and all comments and thoughts.

This is the 2nd of a 3-part vodcast series done with Mr. Martini (BehindTheBarShow.com). The first was in celebration of the Kentucky Derby - we made a mint julep and discussed Da Horses.

In this vodcast, we take the bourbon from the julep and create an Old Fashioned. Then, we discuss how to have a Signature Cocktail without being branded High Maintenance, plus some Old Fashioned Virtues… such as manners, etiquette, language, and listening. 

In particular, we discuss how you Bond Girls can understand how men communicate, and to embody this secret weapon to be even More Enticing than you already are!

Let me know what you think – either give me a ring on my Listener Feedback line 206.350.3537, leave a Comment here, or email to sandy[at]beabondgirl[dot]com.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

My James and I just returned from a holiday. We stopped at an AMAZING sushi restaurant called Love Sushi & Roll in Santa Clarita.  My James is a sushi “snob” and he said that it was absolutely the best sushi he’d ever had.  (Don’t let the slow service, and strip mall atmosphere fool you!)

I was watching some of the other folks that were in the restaurant.  There were a lot of 20-somethings, and almost to a person, they were all sitting across from another person, and texting. Usually, the other person was “just eating.”

What up with that, Bond Grrls? Look. Being present (especially when eating) means putting ALL your attention on What You Are Doing! I would watch these gals woof down a gigantic PLATE of ribs or sushi or rice, all the while texting in between bites. One very pretty gal was obviously out on a date, and all she could do in between eating and answering a few questions with the guy she was with was to text, text, text!!! Aaaaugh!

Many workplaces are going to “email free Fridays.” This means you are NOT ALLOWED to turn your email on, on Friday.  The reasoning is to “get actual work done.”  (They also have “no Meeting Fridays.”) All this technology is supposed to make our lives easier, but what it does is take us away from what our surroundings are. And suddenly the bread basket is gone, or you don’t get a second date, or your work has piled up and you get a bad review, or what-ev-ah — and gee, you can’t figure out why.

There is a New Age phrase that you hear a lot, which is doing things “mindfully.” It’s just kinda weird to hear “mindful eating” — what does that mean?  What it means is pay attention to what you are doing, 100%. It also means no eating and watching TV. No watching TV, answering bills, and trying to talk on the phone. Although we all seem to think that we have way too much stuff goin’ on in our lives, what we really have is the inability to say No. AND the inability to focus and get one thing done, and then go to another.

Today, at LEAST focus on your food every time you eat.  What does it feel like in your mouth? There is a whole section of my book on this — time to go re-read it, if you have forgotten. Part of the ‘fattening of America’ has to do with eating in a non-mindful way — while driving, while watching TV, and the like.

And cut out the texting all the time. Sorry — I know, you “gotta” be in touch with your grrrls.  But the thing is, I was at a concert recently, and folks were all taking photos on their cells, sending texts that “they were there,” and the like. They were not quietly appreciating the concert, or being “present.” They were elsewhere; their minds were with their friends, gossiping through texting. They weren’t just appreciating.

Appreciating things is something that Rich Folks Do.  Yes, really. We only get 24 hours in each day, so by spending each minute, second, or each hour to the fullest and paying it full attention, you will not let it “slip” away. How many of us look up, and 3 hours are “gone” because we were emailing? Or we spend time sending texts, and miss out the movie we paid for?

Just some more thoughts for the day — but remember, texting when you have a flesh-and-blood person there with you is just RUDE, too.

Syndi Seid is a client of mine, and I thought I would share her New Year’s email here. She has a great “tip of the month” you can subscribe to — always something that you can “put into action” to improve your life! — Solitaire
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[Tip of the Month, AdvancedEtiquette.com]

Whenever the New Year arrives, it says to me… “Yippie! I’m leaving behind all the terrible stuff I did last year and beginning a new year with a clean slate.”

For me, a clean slate means New Year’s Resolutions. Do you make them? Perhaps you did at one time, but stopped when you couldn’t stick with them. The key is to make a list according to the SMART method… being Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Reasonable, and Timely.

I used to list things such as “lose weight” and “make more money,” yet know I will be contending with these forever… so I don’t bother to list them. Instead, I work on goals and resolutions, some challenging and some mundane, to develop better habits and make me a better person.

Here are my eight New Year resolutions for 2008:

Say “please” and “thank-you” with every request. This means not only with co-workers, but my spouse, family, and close friends, as well. I should treat the people most important to me as well as strangers.

Be on time for appointments and parties. The primary reason I am ever late is because I do not take enough time to think through and plan for traffic and other situations. When I leave enough time, I am never late.

Wait for the green light at all crosswalks. It amazes me how calm I become when I wait instead of crossing, even when I’m in a hurry. The extra few seconds don’t amount to a hill of beans, compared to losing life or limb, causing other traffic jams, or other disasters.

Twice a week, send someone a card and note by regular mail. Thanks to Send Out Cards, it’s easy to build this habit. To all those I have said, “I’ll be in touch, “ or thought, “I wonder what’s new with so-and-so,” I am now taking action. The responses are well worth the effort—tenfold, at least!

Keep all shared items and areas at home and in the office clean and neat. I admit, I have been known to take a pair of scissors from a drawer and not put them back for my husband or others to use. I am also picking up after myself and cleaning all areas I’ve messed up before leaving the room.

Invite someone to lunch or coffee once a month. There are certain friends, co-workers, distant family members, and other acquaintances I’d like to know better. I will now do it by having lunch or coffee with these individuals, once a month. For folks far away, a telephone call will surely be a welcome surprise.

Make a habit of turning off my cell phone and other electronic devices the moment I enter a meeting, restaurant, theater, museum, or other public place.

Not to talk over or interrupt someone while they are speaking. This, I admit, is my worst offense. I get so eager to share information or ask a question, I forget to remain silent until it is my turn to speak.

How about you? Do some of these goals sound familiar and are you willing to make SMART resolutions for 2008? Here are some suggestions on how to achieve results and receive a reward for doing so:

Make a list of six to twelve items, based on displaying better manners, adhering to good etiquette, and generally transforming yourself into being a better person for life. Display this list in a visible place on your desk, on the refrigerator, or wherever you are likely to see it daily.
Send your list to me at doubleohsandy@yahoo.com as witness of your firm commitment. We’ll check back in, by the end of 2008, and if you feel you’ve made your goals, I’ll send you a complimentary gift of congratulations!

Do not tackle your entire list at once. It will be unrealistic and impossible to manage, and you will become discouraged. Choose one or two items each month. As the year progresses, you will make these a habit each month, then add more in subsequent months. By December you will have six to twelve new habits ingrained that will enhance your life forever.

Happy Practicing… and Happy New Year!